Every day I tell myself I’ll come back to these pages. And yet the days pass.

Sometimes I barely recognize my life any more. I’m living alone in a small studio over the garage at our old house in Susanville. It’s beautiful in a sad sort of way. I look out the windows and I see my life ten years ago. Both of my boys were at home. We had hound dogs and pickup trucks in the driveway. Now my oldest son is working in Pasadena and my younger one is about to leave home.

I came here because i could no longer live my old life in southern California. I came here seeking solitude and peace. So far I haven’t found it, but I trust that it’s coming.

The truth is, my life has been turned inside out. I didn’t see this change coming until it was already upon me. My marriage behind me. My children are growing and gone. There’s nothing clean cut about this change. It feels like a ragged tear in my heart. This isn’t how I wanted things to go. This wasn’t part of the plan.

And yet I’m here because I felt like I was spiritually dying. There were too many people in my life. Too many stresses. My resources, both financially and emotionally had been stretched too thin.

I came here to save myself.